Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
