I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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