After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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