Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
