It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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