how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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