He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
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the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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