New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
