Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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