i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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