Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
