I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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