maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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