i think my tv is drunk
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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