I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
