I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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