I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just want nice things and good sex
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
