My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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