sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
