In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
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I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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