Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
