he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
