so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
