i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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