I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you traded sex for a burrito?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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