Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
