this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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