took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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