chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
