...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
