3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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