You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
