Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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