ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize