STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
