She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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