I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize