Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
