I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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