I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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