I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
