I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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