How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
