she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
