I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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