That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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