I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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