your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
