well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
