omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
