Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
