So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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