if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
