He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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