I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
