remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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