I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
