I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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