ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize