please come you make the beer taste better
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
