ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
