Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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