Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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