i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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